Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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