Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
