Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
