'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
smell my finger.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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