Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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