either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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