he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
