guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
