I think my fart just growled at me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
