The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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