We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
