i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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