Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this is an emotional support booty call
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
