before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
