i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
