Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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