You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
