She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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