I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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