I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
