Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
