rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just threw up on my dentist
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
