I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
