my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
