Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
