:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
