Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
