Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
