wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
