cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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