3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
