we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't turn off my feet"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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