Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
vagina is talking i cant
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
