Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize