She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They have beer where we have blood.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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