I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize