using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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