I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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