it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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