cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
