Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
