I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
