Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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