Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
