he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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