I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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