is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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