is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
