I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
