it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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