The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize