i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
