Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
