Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
