Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
