she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
