before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
