Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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