we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
