I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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