marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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