The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize