Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Randomize
