Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
