Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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